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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

What's A Mother To Do?

I had breakfast with friends I only see a few times a year. We discuss life, families and the pursuit of happiness.  This group of ladies share a more extreme religious view then I do, so our topics are always interesting and somewhat educational for me.  This breakfast produced the following story.


As told to the group.  My son is 44 years old. He lives in another city.  He has never been married.  He barely earns a living.  It is enough for him to get by.  He tells me he has met a young woman.  She is 23 years old and he believes she is interested in him.  He has been wrong in the past.  She is marriage and baby minded.  This is a terrible predicament.


I was listening carefully.  I was thinking how happy this mother must be that her son had possibly found someone  to share his life with, and possibly start a family with.  This was not the case. She was worried that her son could not afford a wife. He could not afford children, and he lived to far for her to offer support.  She was going to advise him to run, not walk away from this relationship.


I was shocked, and dismayed. Don't you wish him happiness I asked?  This won't make him happy she said, trouble that is all this is!  I did not stay at breakfast much longer.  Now I was distressed.  Why did a 44 year old man need his mother's permission to move forward in his life?  Why would a mother discourage growth and the chance for love for her child?  What do you think?  Write a reply and tell me.


  1. If the son were sure of himself, he would merely inform his mother about what he will be doing. His economic struggles will make his situation more difficult and stressful. Most marriages in his generation already end in divorce due to lack of money, compromises, and responsibility, and due to selfishness.

    The mother, however, needs to let her son grow up. She should wish him luck but also tell him that only his hard work at his job(s) and at this relationship will determine if he will be happy. If the couple create a child, that baby will need love, medical care, proper care, and attention. Marriage and children are not all romance and sitcom episodes. Sometimes there is drama and even tragedy.

    Lastly, This mom is bringing her concerns to her friends to see if they agree with her fears or can convince her to worry less. She is brave to expose herself to judgment. Only view her negatively if she is a controlling, manipulative, selfish person who cares more about herself than her son. Regardless, this son will never grow up until he steps up and tries to make a go of a long-term relationship where he is answerable to more than just himself. Only time will reveal whether or not the mom is controlling and jealous or accurate and realistic.


  2. Certainly at age 44, a man does not need his mother's permission for anything. I'm sure he'd like her blessing, but it doesn't look like he'll be getting that. Perhaps it's been difficult for the son to make a meaningful connection (i.e. - marriage) with a woman, because of his over-dependence on his mother. However, "breaking free" will probably not be easy for him.

  3. Is anyone considering the age difference of 21 years? Is 23 year old woman mature enough to build life with 44 yr old man and survice ups and downs of life with his limited earnings? Is she willing to more of everything in this relationship? When poverty peeps at the door, love flies away from window.

  4. Sometimes we feel the need to share our struggles as moms of adult kids with our friends. That can be helpful and supportive for us. But how we act on that and move forward is another thing. Time for us and all moms of adult kids to cut the apron strings. It's hard though and I empathize with the mom. The mom has to let go and the son has to have the courage to say "mom, I know what I'm doing" and move on.